Dose of Prose
One of the most interesting yet challenging aspects of life is navigating the lens in which you view it through. You may spend one period of your life having certain beliefs and priorities, but based on experiences you have or people you meet, those beliefs/priorities may change. Using myself as an example: I’ve always been an ambitious person, who attributed success to working hard. I subscribed to hustle culture and fell for the false narrative that long hours and sleepless nights meant you were doing things ‘right.’ Everything was fine…until it wasn’t. As I grew older, I realized I couldn’t ‘hang’ like I used to. Eventually the stress that I was under manifested itself physically. It got to the point where I didn’t even feel successful anymore. If anything, I felt resentful because I was putting in all this work, but was rewarded with brain fog and doctor bills. My work-life balance needed major improvement.
I looked up and realized that my life had become work – eat – sleep – repeat. I felt creatively stifled and lost sight of the hobbies I used to enjoy. My social life was as dry as the Sahara desert. Everything just felt off – something had to change. I no longer wanted to play the role as the do-er…fixer…producer. I was sick of being in survival mode. It was time to reclaim my power and take charge of my life instead of letting my life run me.
Balancing the Scales
I’ll be honest and say that my younger self didn’t care about nor prioritized work-life balance, and to this day, I’m not sure if that type of balance truly exists. But after making lifestyle adjustments and seeing the benefits of taking preventative measures, I know it’s possible to achieve work-life cohesion. It’s possible to achieve work-life harmony, where all areas of your life flow with eachother instead of against the grain. I believe that you can have it all, just not at the same time. Although I’m still figuring out what works best for me (aren’t we all), I felt called to share some of the steps I take to balance the scales in my life. I hope that these tips will help you do the same. For those who are auditory learners, I made a video discussing everything in this post – on my Youtube below:
Conduct Internal Inventory
When making a grocery list, how do you come up with the items you need to buy? Well, you take a look at your your pantry and refrigerator to see what’s missing. Just like you restock your food, you need to do the same for yourself. In order to get to the root of burnout, you first have to see what’s causing it. It could be that you are feeling imbalanced because you don’t know how to live life any other way – it’s how you were taught, it’s how you were raised. Maybe you feel pressure to perform from your work environment or there’s certain friends, habits and mindsets that leave you feeling depleted. For me, it was a mix of all of those things.
Start with Self-Awareness
As a black woman, it’s been ingrained in me to know that I have to work twice as hard to get half as far in this unjust world. I overworked in toxic jobs, lacked boundaries, and lived with a chaotic, unsustainable routine. I knew it was time to do some restructuring. It was time to let go of the pressure (that I put on myself) to be perfect. Showing up as I am and doing the best I can is more than enough. I found a flexible work environment and am no longer afraid to give myself permission to take breaks and say no. I actively practice self-care and have become very intentional with who and what I give my energy to.
Take a look at all the arenas of your life and see what needs to shift. To be clear, I’m not encouraging everyone to quit their jobs, breakup with their partners and move to another country away from your family. But I am saying that putting a band-aid on your problems doesn’t solve them, it only provides temporary relief. To achieve true work-life harmony, you have to start with self-awareness. If you feel like you’re constantly tired and stressed, why is that? What do you need to unlearn and where do you need to let go? Dig deep and you’ll be surprised at what you’ll find.
Turn on DND
As technology continues to rapidly innovate, it’s no surprise that it has a profound effect on our minds, businesses, education systems and eventually, every aspect of our world. Although I believe that social media is a powerful tool, it can also be a detrimental one if overused. Think about it: there is so much information out there online, available to you at the tip of your fingertips. With just one click, one scroll, you can easily find yourself passing hours of time, distracted going down a rabbit hole of endless topics. Similar to how movies and music impact your emotions, media is the same way, making you feel a false sense of relaxation (which is really dopamine overstimulation).
A lot of times we think we are resting by watching our favorite show after work, or looking at Instagram and TikTok before bed…but the reality is we are not truly allowing ourselves and our brains sufficient time to rest. In order to truly unplug, I have my phone turn off all my apps from 10pm – 10am.
Revamp your Rest Routines
I also turn off my work phone when I log off for the day. These small steps help prevent me from immediately looking at my phone in the morning and help me not be overwhelmed by notifications. At work, I put time blocks on my calendar to help manage and prioritize my time better (and not allow other people to fill it up with nonsense, *cough* I mean calls and meetings). I even got an alarm clock that has white noise so that I don’t have to rely on my phone to get up. (use code PROSE for 10% off 😉)
I like to workout and it serves as a huge stress reliever for me. Part of my morning non-negotiable is to start the day with some type of movement because it allows me to have a pocket of time where I am not thinking about anything other than how many reps are left. My point is, the reason you feel off is because of your damn phone. Your time is valuable and your tech can be replaced, you cannot. Don’t allow poor digital habits to send you into survival mode. Take a digital detox. Get some mental rest and watch that brain fog fade away. You’ll wake up clear-headed and balanced, without the burnout.
Set Boundaries (+Stick to them!)
You can’t please everyone. People will do what you allow. Whatever you allow, will continue. It can be hard to say no, but you are doing yourself a disservice if you continue to spread yourself thin by overcommitting and overpromising to others. If there are certain routines, rituals and hobbies that are important to you – give you energy and bring you joy – make time for them and don’t let anyone nor anything disrupt what it is that you want to do. If you continue to pour into others and not yourself, eventually your cup of energy will be empty. Burnout makes it challenging to be present, causing an inability to show up in your relationships in the way that you want and they expect. This can lead to resentment and again, falling deeper into the survival hamster wheel of abyss.
So if you can’t go to something, or don’t have the capacity to complete a project, voice that. There will be plenty of other parties and events you can go to. And to be frank, unless you’re saving lives, no deadline is truly that urgent. Give yourself more time to do your job and do it well – your team/clients or whoever it is you work with and for, will be happier for it.
Show Up & Show Out
Setting boundaries not only applies to others, but your own self. I like to create content (I mean I am a blogger after all), but sometimes I feel pressure to turn all of my hobbies into a business, or for whatever I produce to be perfect, when I don’t have to. The whole intention behind Style Prose was/is to be fun. Not everything you do has to be monetized. Especially during my times of peak burnout I wouldn’t even feel like doing my hobbies because I was so tired from work and had no creative inspiration nor motivation to do anything else. Creating content felt like another job instead of something stress relieving on the side. But once I made a boundary with myself to take out time to do the things I enjoy, it actually helped me perform better at work. Reading this boundaries book really helped me as well. While you wait on that book to come in the mail, I suggest giving my post on how to be happier a read in the meantime.
Final Thoughts
I don’t have all the answers. I’m still navigating my own work-life cohesion and what that looks like for me. However, by taking preventative measures, setting boundaries and conducting inventory on my life, I have been able to drastically improve my work-life balance. As my dad says, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, and I hope these tips can help you to work towards creating better work-life harmony as well. Do you think work-life balance exists? What steps have you taken to add more balance into to your life? Leave a comment and let me know. Otherwise, I’ll catch you in my next blog.
