Dose of Prose

We have all experienced social situations where one person comments on an internal or external trait that we carry. These comments, although phrased in a seemingly positive manner, simultaneously evoke a negative tone with spiteful intention.  Why does this occur when the descriptors themselves are not necessarily stereotypes that should be looked down upon? Below are five descriptors that should no longer have a negative connotation.

1) “Wow, you’re really ambitious.”

There is nothing wrong with having goals and aspirations for your own personal self-growth.  The definition of success and how you wish to achieve that success is a journey that one should experience individually, at his or her own pace. A person who is driven to do better usually desires to rise out of a past circumstance in which they no longer wish to remain.  This drive, or ambition is one that should be praised instead of condemned.

2) “How much did that cost? I can’t believe you paid $XYZ for that. You must be rich.”

Having money and accumulating wealth is nothing to be ashamed of yet it is also nothing to boast about. The amount of money that you or your family has does not define your character unless you allow that to happen.  The way that you choose to spend/save your money is up to you, because the money is yours. Simple as that.

3) “Why are you so quiet?”

People often mistake quietness for weakness or shyness, which is a stereotype that should be dismissed. The ‘quiet’ person may just be listening and observing his/her surroundings. This individual may also have an introverted personality, which is a trait that is unique to them. In fact, the times that this ‘quiet’ person decides to speak, just shows that they feel comfortable enough to open themselves up to you and they want you to gain more insight into who they are.

4) “Oh, you wouldn’t understand because you’re single.”

People come into your life for a reason, which is the beauty of relationships (both platonic and romantic) because they serve as a way for you to learn more about someone else as well as yourself. Regardless of the type of relationship, there are times that emotions can take over and blind the other person of reality. Sometimes it is helpful to seek advice from those who are not in a relationship because although they may not be in the same state of mind that you are currently in, they still have a perspective that is neutral in the sense that they are not distracted by emotions that one would experience if they were in a relationship, so their outlook may be practical. There is no rush to be in a relationship – it will happen when it’s meant to happen and just because it doesn’t happen for one person but it happens for you, the person not in the relationship should not be judged for fate in the law of attraction.

5) “You’re eating that? What is it and why is it green? Ew.”

Who’s plate is it, mine or yours? My diet is what works for me, and if you don’t like what I like, then that’s the exact reason why I’m me, and you’re you. Individuals who eat a certain way may have certain religious beliefs, food intolerances, food allergies, etc. There is no reason for personal eating habits to be frowned upon.

Smile. Someone really needs to see that.

With any of these traits there should always of course be a balance. For example, it is important to be ambitious and obtain your goals, but do not let the final objective be so important that you overlook potential ethical and legal consequences that can surface if you let your ego and ambition take over. Overall, if any of the above comments have been made to you, albeit annoying, the best response is to continue to do what you want to do and portray the best version of yourself. Most of the individuals who make the above comments are usually making these statements with the goal to simply get you to react. They seek something in you that they don’t have, so the only way they know how to make themselves feel more powerful is to make comments that are actually compliments. At the end of the day, you have to do what’s best for you and stick with that. The only person who is an expert about you is YOU!

Ever ran into a Petty LaBelle? I know I’m not the only one. Leave a comment with your experiences below.

-Kaamilah